I Lost My Virginity...........

It's said that there is therapy in talking about things; about opening up. Well I need to get this off my chest....

You see, I always knew one day I would eventually loose it but I didn't think I’d loose it at such a tender age. I was Twelve, no I must have been Thirteen because I could already spot the changes in my body.  He was my English teacher and it was during recess. He told me to stay behind while the other kids went to play. Yes, kids at that age were all about hopscotch,paper balls and getting dirty.

He used to pay extra attention to me, I wondered why. He told me I was special and talented. Mama told me to beware of such men, but he persisted. I tried to avoid him in class, but he always found a reason to give me extra reading and writing.

That day I had to face him. I was scared, I knew what he wanted. Even though I was young, I wanted it too. I had so many questions in my mind. “Would I do it the right way?”, “Would he be impressed?” , "Would he still think I'm special after it?" I was so scared because I had heard how painful the first time was from my other friends who were older. But I knew I had to do it then or never. 

So I let him lead me to losing my virginity. It was painful yet wonderful experience. What irony.


I didn’t know how to start, so he instructed me. I was shaking. He took of his pen and handed me the paper and without knowing it, I took my first step to loosing my virginity as a WRITER, as I wrote my first composition; “About Me.”

The first sentence was hard; I kept on writing and erasing, writing and erasing, afraid of making mistakes. But the good thing about him was that he didn’t expect me to be perfect the first time. He was gentle and patient. I wrote what I felt, my likes and dislikes, my heart, my fears, my dreams, my needs, everything about (the 13 year old me). I was sacred of what he would think about my article but I wrote it anyway.

It was painful then because I didn't have protection. I was scared because I didn't want to get any negative infections from critics but I wasn't old enough to know about protection or to understand that people will judge my writing. But it's not painful anymore. I've learned how to use protection, protection from critics, and that is to be true to myself.

There are days I get tired of doing it, those periods when I suffer from ‘writers block’, I've learned that it's okay to take a break because even writers need a holiday. I take that time away to learn new writing styles which eventually help me enjoy my writing experience to the fullest.

They say (I wonder who ‘they' is), that once you've lost it there is no turning back. Some people have regrets because they now become vulnerable, an open book to everyone else. I don't regret it because every time I take that paper and pen, I feel like it's the first time I'm loosing my virginity as a writer.

It's refreshing. It's special. It's an experience like no other expressing your self on paper.
That's why 12 years later I still write.

Photo from here.