Of Seasons and Letting Go

As we laughed and joked over lattes and black forest cake on Friday, it felt so right, like nothing was wrong but deep down I knew it would be the last time we'd have this much familiarity before the awkward silences and the cautious one sentence text messages.

At some point I lost you in the conversation as I continuously circled the rim of my glass with my finger looking at you. I could hear you talk above the noises in the background and the sounds of the oldies music that sounded normal, but my mind wandered off to the thought of the looming goodbye that awaited us.

Yesterday I took a walk; a walk to nowhere and noticed the Jacaranda tree that stands at the end of the street; the delicate purple color had disappeared. The tree looked dull. Truth is seasons change and so do people and sometimes you feel cheated by change because you want to hold on a little longer; hold on to what brought you together in the first place.

It's painfully true that when the most important things to you become worthless or the most important people become strangers, then you are either changing or you valued the wrong things. Why couldn't the colours of that Jacaranda tree stay all year long? Who changed you or me? 

While we stood at that bus stop to say our goodbyes amidst strangers waiting to start their own journey, I knew this would the end of a season and the beginning of a new one; a step to the unknown. That very moment the bus drove away, I closed my eyes and said goodbye to three years. The next time I would see you, we would be expected to act differently; not to share the same cozy hugs we had gotten accustomed to, we would be in a room full of people but would not have the freedom to share our secret jokes across the table or hold each others hands under it; for some time we would be familiar strangers.

In a quest to create a new normal, I found myself seated on a city council bench at a side walk on a Sunday afternoon, watching kids roller skate. The scenario of me seating next to total strangers trying to sort out my thoughts and my life reminded me of last year a time so similar I was with friends; we sat there talking about everything from office gossip, relationship squabbles and just everyday life, some of them are no longer friends; more like people who we once shared familiar experiences and enjoyed every bit of it.

And so, it is on that city council bench that I learned the essence of seasons and knowing when to let go. That change is inevitable; people will come into our lives and some will leave, leaves will fall and others will grow, that we should do is relish every moment, learn every lesson from whatever season we are in. We may not like it and it may be hard to let go...but just as we cannot wear flip flops or summer dresses during winter, we must learn to move on with the shift of seasons in our lives, we dare not get stuck with time because of the fear of change or having to let people go because eventually you notice tiny buds of a new season opening; you usher in a new period in your life, new friends, new experiences, new lessons.

photo from here